One of the things I find wonderful about being part of a blended family is the fact that we all recognize each other as family. My father married three times - for about 16 years each time. He did several things right in his marriages. First, he picked good, smart, loving women to marry. Second, he stayed married long enough that we had the time to share experiences and develop a sense of family with each other. Third, he always emphasized the importance of family. Lastly, he was stubborn in developing and maintaining a relationship with each of his children. He didn’t push, in fact we had to take him as he was. But he didn’t waiver in that, and he was a big and complex man who could offer each of us something that made our world bigger. He showed us in his own way that family is not just blood relations, but is also made over time by showing up, however we can, again and again. 

Although there is a piece of me that used to yearn for a more traditional extended family, I don’t anymore. I am fortunate to be part of this blended family that has my father as its common thread. I have a brother who I continue to learn from, stepsisters I got to spend time with as I grew up , and stepbrothers and a stepsister who, although almost 20 years younger than me, have been a pleasure to get to know as they have stepped into their adult lives. I enjoy and admire my stepmothers for a variety of reasons, and have a deep and close relationship with my own mother. Who could ask for anything more?

I am also lucky to have a stepdaughter who I have had the privilege of watching grow up from her mid-teen years over the past eight years. Our connection is obviously not through my father, but again, my sense of family knew how to stretch, and I value my changing relationship with her. 

One of my father’s greatest gifts has been to teach us all that a family can still be a family after divorce. We will look different, we will function in ways that are different then they had been, we will have to stretch and get bigger (if we are lucky), but we are all, ultimately, family connected by love. Glad you could make it to the gathering, Dad.   

On this blog we will review books and discuss a variety of topics surrounding blended families. For instance, we are using the term “blended families” in a very broad and inclusive way. We include stepfamilies, step-parenting, stepchildren, unmarried parent families, foster families, adoptive families, grandparent-headed families, gay and lesbian families, and families by choice. All of these families fall outside of the “traditional” two-heterosexual- married-people-with-their-own-biological-first-generation-children definition. I had to leave out single parents. Sorry!  

When your family is other than the traditional family, it can still be difficult to get information. Yet, one-third of all the people in the United States are now part of a stepfamily.  More than one-third of all children born in the U.S. are now born to unmarried parents. The number of grandparent headed household has increased greatly over the part ten years. Adoption is very much more prevalent in the U.S. Thousands of children remain in foster care.  I am still amazed that as all of these numbers grow, our society still insists on defining family in very narrow terms. We are here to provide information and books for all these families that fall outside of the traditional family. 

Please stop by and say hello.  Let me know what you want to read about and discuss. My hope is that this blog can become a place to really look into the many faces of blended families.